Overcoming "Stress"

Imagine a heavy barbell you've managed to bench-press up off your chest. Your arms are extended, but the weight remains at arm's length, exerting pressure. Now that you've been holding it up for a while, it's starting to quiver, you're beginning to sweat, and there's no one around to spot you. It's that hopeless feeling you may think of as stress: that you're running out of strength and energy, and eventually the weight is going to crush you.

Been there? There now?

As a clinical psychologist at the UCLA school of medicine for the past two decades, I've treated hundreds of men who feel the weight of jobs, families, and financial responsibilities bearing down on them. And I've helped most of them relieve the pressure by convincing them of one thing: Stress doesn't exist.

That's right. You heard me correctly. Stress will one day take its place in medical history as a disease we couldn't cure because it didn't exist. The idea of stress was first floated by Dr. Hans Selye in 1936. (Rather strange that no one noticed this "disease" before then.) Since its "discovery," we have cured polio and made progress with almost every cancer, yet by all accounts, stress remains in epidemic proportions. Those who suffer from it usually report one or more of the following symptoms: rapid heart rate, neck tension, lower-back pain, dry mouth, headache, loss of interest in sex, overeating, stomach distress, frequent urination, diarrhea, crying, insomnia, fatigue, sweating, and rapid breathing.

But these are not symptoms of that phantom disease, stress. Rather, they are symptoms of an emotion that's far more primitive. An emotion that originates in a pea-size part of the brain called the amygdala. An emotion that causes our hearts to beat faster, our muscles to tense, our mouths to dry, and our digestive systems to shut down (is this sounding familiar?) as we prepare to either fight or flee. It is the age-old emotion of fear.

When highly successful men describe the challenges of life, they seldom use the word "stress." Instead they speak like this:

"When you are running an institution, you are always scared at first. You are afraid you'll break it. People don't think about leaders this way, but it's true. Everyone who is running something goes home at night and wrestles with the same fear. Am I going to be the one who blows this place up?" --Jack Welch, former CEO, General Electric

". . . being scared to death was a condition of life in submarine warfare in the South Pacific. Being afraid is okay, if you are afraid with dignity. To a greater or lesser extent, fear is a part of the challenge." --Pat Riley, NBA coach

"Going on stage is part catharsis for me, but it is always trying to work out my own fears." --Robin Williams, comedian/actor

React Like a 3-Year-Old

Why do these successful guys use the word "fear" rather than "stress" when describing the same emotional responses we all share? Being scared is the language of children, but they're not afraid to use it. This isn't immaturity or weakness; it's honesty.

Children never say they're "anxious about the bogeyman" or "stressed about thunder." Rather, they recognize they can't control the world, and they acknowledge the resulting anxiety for what it is: fear. To learn how to handle fear better, they engage it by watching scary movies or dressing as monsters on Halloween. Rather than push the emotion out of their minds as adults often do, they learn to understand and, ultimately, handle it without being enslaved by the thing that scares them.

Successful men realize that the bigger the challenge, the more fear shows up. Like children, they accept fear as the price of being alive. Other men see fear as a disease or a sign of failure that's to be avoided at all costs. They don't think about it, talk about it, or even admit to having it. As a result, they end up depressed, angry, or fatigued, or become abusers of food, alcohol, or other people. Even worse, they may avoid pursuing their dreams just to avoid the essential emotion--fear--that they've labeled an enemy and are misinterpreting as stress.

In order to escape the symptoms of fear, you must admit to being scared. The more you desire in life, the more fear arises as the body's way of preparing itself for action. It's not a sign of weakness, but a signal of success and a call for courage. Assume that whenever you're upset or unhappy, there is fear underneath. There are only two basic fears: One is that you're not worthwhile or good enough to get the job, the woman, whatever; and the other is that you're going to lose control, such as in health or financial concerns. I'd wager that these fears underlie what many people think of as stress.

Turn Off the Alarm

But there's another facet to this. The fight-or-flight alarm system we all carry was designed to sound, create a response, and then shut down. When a deer is scared, it runs. When a lion is frightened, it attacks. But when a man is afraid, he obsesses about it and complains that he's stressed. He leaves his alarm system on, clanging. And the consequences can be deadly.

The healthy human response is, again, to do what children do. Reach to others for support. Men who do so live longer, have lower cholesterol, are more likely to endure crises without becoming ill, are more effective leaders, and have a greater chance of finding (and keeping) romance. Successful men have friends they can lean on in time of need.

Do you see the logic? The symptoms you're feeling are normal, healthful signals from a body faced with a life challenge (positive or negative). Our masculine culture values stoicism and independence, but what your body really craves is to draw strength from others.

So the next time you're feeling stressed, do two things: Identify your fear, and find people who can help you deal with it. You need emotional spotters, my friend.
Doing these two simple things will allow you to safely lower that quivering barbell and then push it back up many more times. You'll gain strength against the only enemy worth fighting: your fear.

Creative Writing Tips: Submitting Manuscript, Coping with Rejection

Submitting Your Manuscript

You have chosen the market, asked for their Writers' Guidelines and produced something appropriate for that market's readers. Now you need to convince the Editor it is worth reading and then publishing.

First Appearances are critical. Use a new manilla envelope, big enough to hold the unfolded manuscript. Include the right postage and a stamped self-addressed envelope. Address it to the correct Department or Editor.

Most Editors prefer a typed rather than handwritten manuscript. It should be double spaced and printed on one side of reasonable quality A4 paper. Pages should be numbered consecutively. As regards fastenings - loose leaves are acceptable provided they are enclosed in a sturdy folder or envelope. Editors generally dislike pins, paper clips or more than one staple.

Enclose a covering letter with your manuscript. The letter should be polite and to the point and addressed to the Editor by name. Make sure you spell their name correctly.

Before you submit the manuscript, proofread it. Check the spelling and punctuation. Spell check programs are very useful but be careful. They may insert words similar to the word you have chosen simply because they do not recognise the original.

If your manuscript looks shoddy, some Editors may not bother reading it at all so at all times be professional.

Multiple submissions are generally discouraged. Some writers submit their work to various publishers simultaneously. If you do this, you should let the Editors know. As a rule, this is done more frequently with novels tahn short stories. Many magazines will blacklist you if they find out you have been sending the same of piece of work to their rivals at the same time.


Editing Your Manuscript

At some point during, or perhaps after the first draft has been written, you will need to revise it. Be objective and be ruthless.

Firstly, remove any sections not relevant to the plot. These may be phrases or entire paragraphs. No matter how well written they seem, they are redundant and a distraction. Check the shape of the story. Does it start at or shortly after a crisis? Are there small crises within the story and a satisfying climax at the end?
Secondly, remove any unnecessary words. Overuse of adjectives and metaphors (as previously mentioned in Part I) can be counter-productive. Ensure the story is consistent, that ambiguities are removed.
Thirdly, read it aloud. The ear is better than the eye at picking up repetitions of words and rhythm.
Fourthly, read the story from start to finish in a quiet environment. If it seems to lag, try removing a further 5%.
If a story is rejected a number of times without comment, take a break from it for a while. When you return to it, flaws may be obvious.


Rejection

It happens to all writers. Don't take it personally. If you aren't collection rejection slips, you're either abnormally brilliant or you're not trying. Some of History's most famous authors and playwrights collected several hundred rejection slips before their manuscripts were accepted.

There are several reasons why your manuscript might be rejected.

1. It's awful.
   Okay, noone wants to hear that but sometimes the story simply isn't good enough to publish.
   
2. It's a good story but it's not suitable for publication in that particular magazine.
   There could be many reasons for this. They include: inappropriate content, the wrong word count or inappropriate style. Sometimes it is merely that the magazine is no longer accepting unsolicited material. The latter may be seasonal - at certain times of year they have sufficient material , or a general policy - they have their own in-house writers.
   Always check before submitting a manuscript that your intended market actually accepts unsolicited material. This information can be found in The Writers' and Artists' Yearbook or in the magazine itself.
   Small tip - if the magazine states it won't be held responsible for unsolicited manuscripts, it probably does at least read them. To a writer, that's as good as an invitation to send something in.
   If the magazine states categorically that no unsolicted manuscripts will be read, it means just that. Don't waste your time and money sending material to these magazines - it will not be read.
   One ray of hope - the story may still be suitable for another magazine.
   
3. It's a good story but for whatever reason it doesn't grab that particular Editor.
   Editors are human too and they have likes and dislikes when it comes to stories. Just remember that a good Editor knows exactly what their readership like to read and that is what they'll choose to publish.
   
   
   Conversely, there are several reasons why awful manuscripts are published.
   
   
   
   1. The author is already established.
      
   2. The senior Editor adores the story and pushes it through.
      
   3. The story was commissioned before it was written.
      
   
   
   What to do if Your Work is Rejected
   
   Well, that depends on you. On a personal note, I once received six rejection slips during a two day period. Firstly I cried, then I ranted in the privacy of my own house about the stupidity of Editors in general and finally I put the slips away and started writing something new.
   The point is, the Editor is rejecting a piece of work, not your entire ability as a writer. Sometimes they will say why they rejected the story. Don't ignore these comments. They may be valid. If you think they're rubbish, fine, send the story off to another magazine unchanged. If you think the comments are valid, act on them.
   If a story is rejected by a number of Editors, put it away for a while then come back to it. It's amazing how different the story will seem after a period of absence. Flaws may become obvious, in which case you can edit it and send it off again.
   
   Keep trying. Never give up on a story if you believe in it.