Unfortunately, it's a fact that many new writers—and some experienced ones—drift into the passive voice. When I started writing, my teachers all said, “You’re writing in the passive voice. Use an active voice instead. It will make your writing more interesting.”
“Okay, explain the difference to me,” I always replied.
They all offered the same explanation: “With the active voice, the subject undertakes the action. With the passive voice, the subject is being acted upon,” (or words to that effect).
This did little to help me, but no one seemed able to describe it in any other terms, which led me to countless hours spent surrounded by open books. It was surprising how many books use the same phrasing that the teachers did. What I wanted was a way to detect when I have moved from active to passive. So, for all those writers who have trouble with this concept, I’m going to try to explain it in the simplest possible terms.
How can you tell if you have slipped into the passive voice? Look for the word “by.”
Here is an example of passive voice: “The trespasser was chased by a bull yesterday.”
It takes little work to rewrite the above sentence in the active voice, as the following sentence shows: “A bull chased the trespasser yesterday.”
Notably, there are also passive sentences that do not contain the word “by.” With such sentences we have to rely on the golden rule. I’m afraid I’m going to sound like one of those teachers I mentioned earlier, but once again, active voice is when the subject undertakes the action, and passive voice is when the subject is being acted upon.
Here is another example of a passive sentence: “The matter will be looked into further and a solution will be found.”
Notice that there is ambiguity with this example. Who is looking into the problem? The ambiguity gives a hint that the sentence is written in the passive voice.
Don’t be afraid to reword the sentence to transform it into the active voice, as in this example: “The mailroom personnel will check into the problem and rectify it immediately.”
Active voice can make a sentence more exciting by speeding up the pace, and it is especially useful when the writer wants the reader to feel anxiety or suspense. But the passive voice does have its place. It can help the reader to catch his or her breath after an exciting, fast-paced section. It is also extremely useful in corporate writing, and to soften the effects of blame on an individual or group.
Here is an example of useful passive voice: “The letter failed to be sent on time by the mailroom personnel.”
The example clearly blames a particular group, but is softened by the use of the passive voice.
The following sentence, which is written in active voice, shows a more brutal attack: “The mailroom personnel didn’t send the letter on time.”
Hopefully these hints will help alert you to the passive voice. You will probably find yourself writing more and more in the active voice. Good luck and happy writing.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Grammar Rules: Habits Of Speech To Avoid
Habits of speech have a tendency to creep into our writing. Things that are accepted or ignore in everyday conversations should be avoided when writing. Have you ever said, or heard, something like this?
These are tautologies. A tautology is saying the same thing twice. Let’s look at those examples again.
There is no need to indicate it’s at night as the ‘pm’ already tells us this.
Blue is a colour.
A final score indicates the end of the game.
Some times when we try to emphasis a point we can fall into the trap of over doing it. Dead is dead; there are no in-betweens.
However, it is okay to say, ‘He was stabbed to death’, because people can survive a stabbing.
Bicycle means a two-wheeled bike.
Some tautologies stand out, but some are used in everyday conversations so they can go unnoticed. Keep a look out for them, and then avoid them.
What do all of the following have in common?
They are clichés. I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but it’s amazing how often they still manage to slip in. Any phrase or expression which is overused is a cliché and shouldn’t be used. If you have a character that has a tendency to use such phrases when talking, then of course you’ll probably want to use a couple to enforce this character trait, but don’t over do it. Usually overdone expressions annoy people, especially when reading. There is nothing that can ruin a story faster for me then when I see cliché after cliché. I feel disappointed when they are in a published book by a professional author. It’s as if the author didn’t care enough about his or her readers to take an extra five minutes to think of another way of saying it.
A simple rule: if you’ve heard it before, and pretty sure most other people have then don’t use it. Be creative, and think how else you can say it or describe it.
The movie starts at 7.30 pm at night.
Her dress was the colour of blue.
The final score was dismal at the end of the game.
I’m telling the truth, he was killed to death!
I ride my two-wheel bicycle for twenty minutes each day.
These are tautologies. A tautology is saying the same thing twice. Let’s look at those examples again.
The movie starts at 7.30 pm at night.
There is no need to indicate it’s at night as the ‘pm’ already tells us this.
The movie starts at 7.30 pm.
Her dress was the colour of blue.
Blue is a colour.
Her dress was blue.
The final score was dismal at the end of the game.
A final score indicates the end of the game.
The final score was dismal.
I’m telling the truth, he was killed to death!
Some times when we try to emphasis a point we can fall into the trap of over doing it. Dead is dead; there are no in-betweens.
I’m telling the truth, he was killed!
However, it is okay to say, ‘He was stabbed to death’, because people can survive a stabbing.
I ride my two-wheel bicycle for twenty minutes each day.
Bicycle means a two-wheeled bike.
I ride my bicycle for twenty minutes each day.
Some tautologies stand out, but some are used in everyday conversations so they can go unnoticed. Keep a look out for them, and then avoid them.
What do all of the following have in common?
Needle in a haystack.
Not over until it’s over.
Plenty of fish in the sea.
A hard slog.
Kicked the bucket.
Beat a dead horse, or flog a dead horse, or whatever variation of it.
They are clichés. I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but it’s amazing how often they still manage to slip in. Any phrase or expression which is overused is a cliché and shouldn’t be used. If you have a character that has a tendency to use such phrases when talking, then of course you’ll probably want to use a couple to enforce this character trait, but don’t over do it. Usually overdone expressions annoy people, especially when reading. There is nothing that can ruin a story faster for me then when I see cliché after cliché. I feel disappointed when they are in a published book by a professional author. It’s as if the author didn’t care enough about his or her readers to take an extra five minutes to think of another way of saying it.
A simple rule: if you’ve heard it before, and pretty sure most other people have then don’t use it. Be creative, and think how else you can say it or describe it.
Grammar Rules: Say Bye To Those Really, Really Nice Words
We’ve already talked about tautologies; now, I would like to discuss other areas where certain words are used that should not make the final draft. Writing is a skill like any other skill that has to be learnt. And when we learn new skills, we have a tendency to fall into some bad habits. Knowing what these bad habits are will help make you aware so that you can avoid the slip-ups.
Follow me on this line of thought; you’re writing a story and want to describe a person’s height, so you think for a minute, and eventually you end up with a phrase such as this:
He was a very tall man.
What is the problem with this sentence? It weakens the writing. First of all, take out ‘very’ and all the other words like it (‘really,’ ‘nice,’ ‘pretty,’ and while you’re at it throw out ‘cute’ too) and don’t use them. They are over-used and do not strengthen your work.
Now we are left with:
He was a tall man.
That’s better, but how tall is he? Is he taller than average? Does he stoop to walk through doorways? Of course, we can state his height as in the following example:
He was a tall man – six feet and six inches.
Or we can use a bit of creative power; think about what it is you’re trying to say. In this instance, I see (in my mind, that is) a man in a crowd, but he’s a good foot taller than the rest, which makes him stand out easily. Once you have the image, play around with words until you find something you like that still gives a clear picture that this man is tall.
He was a tall man, standing a foot taller than the rest of the crowd.
His head bobbed above the sea of faceless heads.
Even though he was a head taller than the rest of the crowd, she didn’t hold out much hope for him to see her. She had been dubbed ‘Pixie’ for a reason.
Another overused word is ‘that.’ It doesn’t mean you can’t use it, but see if the sentence can stand without it. Imagine your sentence is a building and each word is supporting the roof. If a word doesn’t need to be there, or if it’s not supporting the roof from falling in, get rid of it.
That’s (chuckle) all, have fun writing.
Follow me on this line of thought; you’re writing a story and want to describe a person’s height, so you think for a minute, and eventually you end up with a phrase such as this:
He was a very tall man.
What is the problem with this sentence? It weakens the writing. First of all, take out ‘very’ and all the other words like it (‘really,’ ‘nice,’ ‘pretty,’ and while you’re at it throw out ‘cute’ too) and don’t use them. They are over-used and do not strengthen your work.
Now we are left with:
He was a tall man.
That’s better, but how tall is he? Is he taller than average? Does he stoop to walk through doorways? Of course, we can state his height as in the following example:
He was a tall man – six feet and six inches.
Or we can use a bit of creative power; think about what it is you’re trying to say. In this instance, I see (in my mind, that is) a man in a crowd, but he’s a good foot taller than the rest, which makes him stand out easily. Once you have the image, play around with words until you find something you like that still gives a clear picture that this man is tall.
He was a tall man, standing a foot taller than the rest of the crowd.
His head bobbed above the sea of faceless heads.
Even though he was a head taller than the rest of the crowd, she didn’t hold out much hope for him to see her. She had been dubbed ‘Pixie’ for a reason.
Another overused word is ‘that.’ It doesn’t mean you can’t use it, but see if the sentence can stand without it. Imagine your sentence is a building and each word is supporting the roof. If a word doesn’t need to be there, or if it’s not supporting the roof from falling in, get rid of it.
That’s (chuckle) all, have fun writing.
Grammar Rules: The Power of Adjectives
Adjectives carry a fascinating role; they describe a noun. (A noun is the name of a person, place or thing, hence the common reference ‘a naming word’.) Adjectives can give nouns shape, color, even feeling. Take a look at these examples:
It’s a cold day.
Tony is a tall boy.
He was a con man.
The dog was scared.
In one word these amazing adjectives have conjured up a picture. What happens when we take the adjective out?
It’s a day.
Tony is a boy.
He was a man.
The dog was.
It leaves us with sentences that are useless, either stating the obvious or showing no clarity.
Therefore adjectives are necessary in creative writing, right? WRONG! Adjectives are so powerful that they tell us, the reader. I’m sure you’ve heard this before, ‘show it, don’t tell it’. This is my round about way of saying the exact same thing.
Showing instead of telling helps the reader experience. It can pull the author’s words from the page and make the story come ‘alive’. Perhaps the reader has been in a similar situation before and can relate, or the scenario may be completely foreign to the reader but skilful wording creates understanding, and feelings. This is the writer’s goal, to create and allow readers to experience all the same things they are reading. It doesn’t matter how old we get; no one likes being told. So doesn’t it make sense when reading that we still don’t want to be told what is happening? We want to experience it right along with characters.
The commuters turned their coat collars up and repositioned scarves while the wind whipped around their reddening faces.
All the schoolboys in the back row except Tony had to stand on a crate for the class photos.
The salesman ignored my questions and continued his fast paced monologue.
The dog backed further into the kennel unable to peel his wide eyes from the explosion in the sky, his whimper drowned out by the New Year celebrations.
Adjectives are a great way to unblock your thoughts. Start off with a simple sentence, for instance: The star twinkled brightly.
Then play with it and watch it grow. It may, for a moment, turn into a single star fighting it’s way through a cloud to be seen, and then ‘hey, presto’, before you know it you’ve launched into a science fiction story, or a falling meteorite that threatens human existence, or another form of life, or whatever. Give it a shot, you may just surprise yourself.
It’s a cold day.
Tony is a tall boy.
He was a con man.
The dog was scared.
In one word these amazing adjectives have conjured up a picture. What happens when we take the adjective out?
It’s a day.
Tony is a boy.
He was a man.
The dog was.
It leaves us with sentences that are useless, either stating the obvious or showing no clarity.
Therefore adjectives are necessary in creative writing, right? WRONG! Adjectives are so powerful that they tell us, the reader. I’m sure you’ve heard this before, ‘show it, don’t tell it’. This is my round about way of saying the exact same thing.
Showing instead of telling helps the reader experience. It can pull the author’s words from the page and make the story come ‘alive’. Perhaps the reader has been in a similar situation before and can relate, or the scenario may be completely foreign to the reader but skilful wording creates understanding, and feelings. This is the writer’s goal, to create and allow readers to experience all the same things they are reading. It doesn’t matter how old we get; no one likes being told. So doesn’t it make sense when reading that we still don’t want to be told what is happening? We want to experience it right along with characters.
The commuters turned their coat collars up and repositioned scarves while the wind whipped around their reddening faces.
All the schoolboys in the back row except Tony had to stand on a crate for the class photos.
The salesman ignored my questions and continued his fast paced monologue.
The dog backed further into the kennel unable to peel his wide eyes from the explosion in the sky, his whimper drowned out by the New Year celebrations.
Adjectives are a great way to unblock your thoughts. Start off with a simple sentence, for instance: The star twinkled brightly.
Then play with it and watch it grow. It may, for a moment, turn into a single star fighting it’s way through a cloud to be seen, and then ‘hey, presto’, before you know it you’ve launched into a science fiction story, or a falling meteorite that threatens human existence, or another form of life, or whatever. Give it a shot, you may just surprise yourself.
Grammar Rules: Repetition
It can be hard work to make a passage interesting enough for someone else to read it. There are so many things to remember … don’t do this … don’t do that … but, try to do this … It can be scary, especially for a new writer. These rules are not to scare; they are to help the newbie know what professionals already have learned through hard work, and many years of receiving rejections. That story about wallpapering your walls with rejection slips – it’s true. Unless, of course, you learn from those that have already made every mistake there is.
Which brings us to the next hint: repetition. Try to avoid repeating the same word too often. Please read this:
Sick of reading the name ‘Jack’? Use your alternative pronouns instead of the character’s name to break it up a bit. But don’t overdo it like in this example:
The overuse of ‘he’ has become annoying. Let’s do it right this time.
‘And’ is one word that is over used. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great word and is handy, but let’s not get carried away.
A few paragraphs of this and you’ll be throwing it into the sea.
The best way to pick up if you’re using a word too often is to read it out aloud. This can be a little embarrassing at first, but you’ll get over it. I used to refuse to read my work aloud because I was embarrassed. Now, people tell me I don’t shut up. They even start thinking I’m on the phone because I’m rambling; actually I’m talking to my computer.
That it for now, keep writing and have fun with it.
Which brings us to the next hint: repetition. Try to avoid repeating the same word too often. Please read this:
Jack leapt from his bed; the alarm hadn’t gone off again! Jack was bound to be late and be fired for sure this time. Jack then rushed through the shower so quickly that Jack wasn’t sure if the water actually touched his skin. Jack skipped breakfast and bolted for the door. Jack’s hand reached for the car keys as Jack always kept them in a dish by the door – well, mostly always. And this was one of those cases Jack hadn’t. Jack stared at the empty dish as the colour drained from his face. How was Jack going to get to work on time now?
Sick of reading the name ‘Jack’? Use your alternative pronouns instead of the character’s name to break it up a bit. But don’t overdo it like in this example:
Jack leapt from his bed; the alarm hadn’t gone off again! He was bound to be late and be fired for sure this time. He then rushed through the shower so quickly that he wasn’t sure if the water actually touched his skin. He skipped breakfast and bolted for the door. He reached for the car keys as he always kept them in a dish by the door – well, mostly always. And this was one of those cases he hadn’t. He stared at the empty dish as the colour drained from his face. How was he going to get to work on time now?
The overuse of ‘he’ has become annoying. Let’s do it right this time.
Jack leapt from his bed; the alarm hadn’t gone off again! He was bound to be late and be fired for sure this time. He rushed through the shower so quickly there was doubt if the water actually touched his skin. Jack skipped breakfast and bolted for the door. His hand reached for the car keys; he always kept them in a dish by the door – well, mostly always. And this was one of those cases he didn’t. He stared at the empty dish, the colour drained from his face. How was he going to get to work on time now?
‘And’ is one word that is over used. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great word and is handy, but let’s not get carried away.
And here we are, another beautiful day by the sea, just relaxing and watching the swimmers, and the children building sandcastles and the boats on the horizon. The perfect way to spend a day away from the office and let the hours drift by without a single thought about emails and missed calls and the files that are no doubt piling up.
A few paragraphs of this and you’ll be throwing it into the sea.
The best way to pick up if you’re using a word too often is to read it out aloud. This can be a little embarrassing at first, but you’ll get over it. I used to refuse to read my work aloud because I was embarrassed. Now, people tell me I don’t shut up. They even start thinking I’m on the phone because I’m rambling; actually I’m talking to my computer.
That it for now, keep writing and have fun with it.
Writing: Time to Exercise!
It can probably be said that everyone is creative in some way, but that is especially true of writers. As writers we tend to pay more attention to the things around us than most people do. We like to ask questions and think about people’s reactions and responses in certain situations. I’ve noticed myself that I like to concoct elaborate “what ifs” and imagine what would happen. Each update will offer a new writing exercise. Let your imagination go with these and see where they take you.
- Write down the titles of 5-10 novels, essays, articles, or short stories you have been thinking that you would like to write “someday.” Then pick one of the titles and write the first few pages or paragraphs of the piece that you chose. Write for fifteen to twenty minutes. Now you have a start to writing about something that really interests you, instead of having the idea swimming around in the back of your mind indefinitely.
- Find an old coat of yours or purse/backpack with pockets. Search through the pocket and write down all of the items you found. Example: 65 cents, one stick of gum, old bus ticket, receipt to Burger King, free coffee card, etc. Now create a short story using the items from the pocket to help create a character and drive the plot. What type of character would have a free coffee card? Perhaps a university student who drinks a lot of coffee and takes the bus to school. Try to include every item you found in the pocket as part of the story or character.
- Pick out someone at the grocery store, in traffic or somewhere else where you're stuck waiting. Take in the details of the person and try to memorize as many as you can. When you get home, freewrite all that you can remember about the person and then create a story about whom he/she truly is. That old granny in like with the dozen eggs? She's really a sky diving instructor! The man picking his nose in the red sedan next to you? He has a secret foot fetish and can't wait to get home to clean out his sniffer! Go crazy and be imaginative!
- This week, write your own creation myth. In short story length, explain something fantastic or mundane, for example: Carrots are really the hair clippings of Ares that fall from Olympus...and make it believable!
- Do you have a vivid emotional memory? Something sad, happy or even embarrassing? Go back to that moment/event in your mind and write it as a short scene in script/prose form, from an omniscient perspective. This is really good practice for when you need to convey your own character's emotions to your audience.
- As a young writer, I enjoyed writing about flying horses, time travel, and men who wore tuxedos. This caused a small problem for me. Some people, mainly geniuses, can create convincing stories about things they don't understand, but I can't.
- For years, I wrote terrible stories. And I bored every unlucky reader who was dumb enough to read my stuff. I knew they were bored, but I couldn't figure out why.
Then the answer struck me one day while I was “swiffering” under my bed. I don't know anything about tuxedos. But I do know about dust bunnies. It may not be glamorous, but I can describe the gray, fuzzy puff of a dust bunny in great detail. I can explain just how dust bunny colonies pop up behind my sofa. And, believe it or not, readers prefer dust bunnies over my flat and lifeless old way of writing.
Look around your room and make a list of five interesting objects. The list can include cracks in the wall, priceless oriental vases, or discarded Kit Kat wrappers. Describe each item, write about how the item makes you feel, and then try to write a story or poem incorporating these items.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
The Art of Symbolism
His palms were already moist. The movie hadn’t even started yet and the hairs on the back of his neck were prickling. The intimate thumping in his chest had started again and his lips seemed to be extraordinarily dry and parched.
And the sixty-four thousand dollar question: what is this guy feeling? Is he A) pissed off; B) nervous; C) content; or D) smug. If you guessed B, then ding ding, YOU’VE WON!
The guy in question is obviously dealing with some anxiety worthy of the first date. How do we know? Because we’ve all been there before. We’ve all
experienced it, or at the very least, watched it on television.
The senses have always been the hardest to describe because everyone endures them differently. What does a lemon taste like? Sour. What does sour taste
like? Hmm, good question! We know from experience what it tastes like, and that’s all we’ve got going for us. So we have to improvise by describing.
Being surprised by something sour might make you pinch your face, or make your tongue feel prickly.
The art of implying and showing, rather than stating is called symbolism and started in the late eighteen hundreds onwards. It was called symbolism because they wanted to present the elements that it created, but not the symbol itself. Some of the most famous authors that truly grasped its meaning are Stéphane Mallarme (who wrote the symphonic poem to Debussy’s ‘Prelude to the Afternoon of a Fawn’) and Paul Verlaine, who were further influenced by Edgar Allan Poe.
Every once in a while, there will be those darn scenes that try to bail out on you, and try to go back to the easier way of stating things as they are. A simple trick is to list the senses and go through them one by one, imagining what it would be like, and not just assuming that the reader will get the same prickles of emotions when reading the facts. Facts aren’t nearly as fun to read.
All things considered, the more symbolic suggestions you make, the more your readers will relate to your situation. Anything to make the first date run smoother.
And the sixty-four thousand dollar question: what is this guy feeling? Is he A) pissed off; B) nervous; C) content; or D) smug. If you guessed B, then ding ding, YOU’VE WON!
The guy in question is obviously dealing with some anxiety worthy of the first date. How do we know? Because we’ve all been there before. We’ve all
experienced it, or at the very least, watched it on television.
The senses have always been the hardest to describe because everyone endures them differently. What does a lemon taste like? Sour. What does sour taste
like? Hmm, good question! We know from experience what it tastes like, and that’s all we’ve got going for us. So we have to improvise by describing.
Being surprised by something sour might make you pinch your face, or make your tongue feel prickly.
The art of implying and showing, rather than stating is called symbolism and started in the late eighteen hundreds onwards. It was called symbolism because they wanted to present the elements that it created, but not the symbol itself. Some of the most famous authors that truly grasped its meaning are Stéphane Mallarme (who wrote the symphonic poem to Debussy’s ‘Prelude to the Afternoon of a Fawn’) and Paul Verlaine, who were further influenced by Edgar Allan Poe.
Every once in a while, there will be those darn scenes that try to bail out on you, and try to go back to the easier way of stating things as they are. A simple trick is to list the senses and go through them one by one, imagining what it would be like, and not just assuming that the reader will get the same prickles of emotions when reading the facts. Facts aren’t nearly as fun to read.
All things considered, the more symbolic suggestions you make, the more your readers will relate to your situation. Anything to make the first date run smoother.
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